life is a battle, we will forever struggle, we can never erase what's done. If i had the power to turn back time, i would not even know what to change about my past 5 years... so i deem it accepeted, difficult on some days, tolerable half the time, and the rest? a blurry of fear and confusions, but with a glimmer of hope. HOPE. That in itself relieves the coward in me.
So i wake up each morning, fear gripping my heart, despair taking its initial hold, but sometime within the day, after much much battle, pep-talk, and rationalization with the forgetful self. I strive and thrive on each minute, on memories, on the wee bit knowledge and understanding i have about life, humbled at the realization that i am just me, and He is up there, way way bigger than i am. And on the promise He has and faith on the life He has set for me.
Small as i am, i am loved by Him, and i am proud though in the littlest realization of who i am, and why i am. I am no proud of how proud i have had become, rather i am humbled by Him who knows all things.
There is no definite answer to our questions, so i leave it all up to Him. To ask for forgiveness, acceptance, strength, patience, wisdom, for all that He has set up for me. That is my only strength in living. We can never have all that we want, consider it fortunate if one or two wishes are granted.
Anticipate life, live on...
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